Feb 23, 2015

It has been six months...

Sophia is 6 months old today.

You would think that by now I would have expected this, but I don't.  I still can't believe that I have a 6 month old.  Crazy.

For most mamas, celebrating every month is a joyous thing.  But unfortunately for me, it brings up the days leading up to Sophia's birth.  I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but those feelings will never go away.

This time six months ago I was laying on my side on a hospital bed struggling through contractions from my induction along with battling my blood pressure that was shooting up to the 200s.  I laid there in pain and fear because I had no idea what was going to happen.  I had no idea how giving birth at 33 weeks was going to affect my baby.  I had no idea what would happen if at any given moment, I was going to seizure because of the preecamplasia.  I had no idea if baby and/or I would make it due to how severe my preecamplasia was. That's a thought that no mother should go ever think of when in labor.   But it was a thought I was forced to think about... over and over and over again.

Such thoughts haunt me now.  There doesn't go a day without me thinking back to what happened to me six months ago.  I was scared. I was angry.  I was sad.  I kept saying to myself  "Why me?"  There are so many times in life that we ask ourselves that question.

Six months ago was the best and scariest day of my life.  But God has blessed us with a beautiful baby girl that as of now, is 100% healthy.  I can't ask for more than that.  

Happy six months to my daughter who truly has kept me going.... I promise to be the best mama I can be for you.

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Feb 17, 2015

Dear Life....

Oh hey!
It's been a while since I paid some attention to this little ole space of mine.  I won't even apologize because it just means I have been out and about trying to make it each and every day.  As I always say, if I can make it through the day with my family fed and alive, then it's a win in my book.  Being a new mom and juggling everything that comes with it is HARD work.  Don't let anyone tell you different.

Today I am going to give you bullet points because my brain is too tired from this three day weekend I just had.  Or it might also be frozen solid from the negative degree weather we have been having as well.  Or both. Anyways...

  • I can't believe we are halfway through the month of February already.  It seems like yesterday we just celebrated Christmas.  Now if only it would stop snowing.... 
  • Sophia has been doing great.  She will be 6 months old next week and I just can't believe it.  From my little 3lb preemie girl to a girl who loves to smile and giggle and drool like nobody's business.  My sweet miracle girl makes life so much better. 
  • 3/1.... this date has been hanging around my head for a while.  It's the deadline I gave myself to make a decision.  It gives me anxiety as we get closer to this date, but once it's here I just hope to have a clear mind and clear path.
  • 3/1 is also the hub's birthday.... which means I need to think about what we are going to do. 
  • I can't wait till Spring time is here because I need to get out of the house.  Walks in the park are calling my name. Also, I'm sure Sadie would like to run around in the dog park as well.  I believe she is also sick of this snow. 
  • My migraines have gotten out of control.  I have one that last two days... then I get a day break.. .then it comes back full force.  I am SO over it.  I try not to show it but trying to get through the day with a migraine is like shoveling snow with your bare hands.  I can't hold myself together anymore when I just want to crawl into a hole.  So big F U to migraines. 
  • My wonderful hubs bought me 3 massages for Valentine's Day.... I need to make my appt ASAP because I always walk around the house saying that Sophia has permanently broken my back.   Come to mama hour massage! 
  • The other day I was going through my Instagram feed and am grateful that I post so often because it brought me down to memory lane and made me realize how blessed I am to have enjoyed so many ups and downs... because that is what makes my life so interesting. I am so grateful. 
Ahhh.. life.  Gotta love it.