Jun 25, 2014

Stopping and smelling the roses

So can I just tell you how wonderful this past weekend was?

It was great, we had awesome weather, bbq with friends and family and the World Cup games = perfection.

Friday started off with me instagramming this picture:

That totally looked like fallopian tubes to me so of course I had to confirm what I thought and so glad that some of you thought the same thing.

I woke up with a migraine on Saturday morning and wasn't too happy, but then again I woke up and was just grateful to live another day.

And then on Saturday right before we were walking out the door to my parents house for dinner, a freaking clock fell right on the bridge of my nose.  No joke, for about 30 seconds I was freaking out that I probably broke my nose and was in tears from the pain.  It's still a bit painful today but happy to report, no broken nose, just nasty cut and endless headaches.

Thanks to pre-natal vitamins, my nails grow like crazy.  Which means I was able to go out and buy a whole bunch of nail polish and have been painting my nails every week.  Pink is the color choice for this week along with pink lipstick.

World cup games along with a good dinner equals pure bliss.

Also, I am not the only one who likes to take selfies.

At 24 weeks preggo, baby giggles LOVES to kick and move around A LOT.  I sent this text to the hubs and I almost peed myself.

So, I can definately say that this weekend I did stop and smell the roses and it was such a great thing to do.

We also cleaned out the baby's room, it still looks like a hot mess with totes and bags all in the middle that need to go up to the attic and dresser that needs to be moved out while we get a new one in this weekend. Oh yeah, and we still have to paint the room too.... cue anxiety.  But it will all get done somehow.

Have you stopped and smelled the roses recently?

Jun 18, 2014

My fear on being a new mom

Let me start this post by saying that I'm so grateful that I have the chance to experience pregnancy and be a mom. I understand that there are people who struggle to conceive, can't conceive, and the thought of adopting a child is a financial restraint.  I know it's not easy for some couples.  I pray for any one of you who are going through one of those motions.  All I can say is to stay strong, have faith and you are in my prayers.

I don't want people thinking that my little post here is me being ridiculous or not understanding.  I am writing how I currently feel, which some of you may understand and some may not.

I sit here currently 6 months pregnant.  I can't believe that we are over the halfway mark to hopefully meet our little girl.  But let me tell you, this whole pregnancy and bringing a child into this world is daunting.  Yes, hubs and I spoke about it and decided we would try.  We said we would see what happens.  No tracking to see when it was the best time to conceive or anything like that.  We had fun and whatever God thought was the right time, it would be.  All it took was 3 months being off of birth control pills for this pregnancy to say "hello" to us.  It's funny because when we made the decision, I seriously thought it wouldn't happen so quick.  I was on birth control for about 11 years straight before we made our decision.  The doctor told me that we have to try for at least a year before we can think that maybe something is wrong if we didn't conceive.  Given I was on birth control for so long, I thought it would take more than 3 months for my body to get back to "normal." Well, I was wrong.  All it took was 3 months and that moment I found out I was so happy but at the same time almost had an anxiety attack.  My thoughts...

"It's so soon."
"This happened so fast."
"Holy shit am I really ready?"
"OMG will the hubs be happy or freak the eff out."
"Are WE ready for this... like are we REALLY ready for this."

All these emotions mixed in with hormones raging out of control have led to many nights where I sit by myself and freak out.  I legit cry.  Then talk myself out of crying because I'm ridiculous.  But then anxiety attacks start to creep up again because we are bringing a human into this world.  How can a person not freak out about this?!??!  It's insane!

And here I am at six months pregnant still freaking out.  I'm pretty sure I will freak out until this child gets married.  And the biggest question I ask myself all the time:  Will I be a good mother?

I don't even know where to begin.  My fears...

  • I will raise my child the best I can, and they will turn out to be the worst child ever. No morals, no values, no care.
  • Will I be a good wife while struggling to get my life in order toting a kid along.  Let's face it, I'm not the best wife.  I know that. Hubs doesn't tell me I am.  I am doing the best I can... and lately I have been failing more than anything.  But at least I am trying to get out of the rut because a good wife makes a good mother right?  
  • Will I have that mother intuition?  
  • Will the hubs and I survive the first year of being parents?  Bringing a child into the mix is a huge transition.  Will we make it?
  • Will I smother my child and be that over protective mother?  Or will I let my child be free and hope for the best?  Or will I find a happy medium in the middle?
  • Will I bond with my child the first time I see her?  Or will it just be "here's your baby girl!"... and I will say "oh OK."
  • Will I be able to breastfeed and if I am unable to, will other people judge me because of that?  Or worse, will I judge myself? 
  • What if my child becomes very sick, can I handle that?
I feel like this is a subject that not many moms to be talk about because I guess you can say it's scary and depressing.  But it's reality.  This is my reality at the moment.  As I write this blog post, baby giggles is kicking the crap out of me today.  It's like she knows that I have doubts about being her mom.  But somewhere in between those kicks I also remember how lucky I am and that I may not be the best mom, but I will be a mom who tries her dam hardest to give her a good life. 

The world is a scary place.... here I am another day facing the daily fears. 

Jun 13, 2014

Happy Thoughts

Can I just tell you how happy I am that it is Friday today.  This work week was a doozy (who uses that word anymore?  Apparently I do).  So let's just say that I am so ready for the weekend! Today I want to talk about things that make me happy because we can all use some positive energy to end this work week.

Well, this is a no brainer.  But lately I have been wanting chocolate so bad that I'm afraid to go to the store because I will buy a big bag and eat it all by myself. No, I will not share. Well, I'll just share with baby giggles because you know, there's no getting around that.

Feeling Baby Giggles
She has been so active lately.  Guess I am at the stage where I feel her all the time now.  It stills freaks me out but I am also amazed on how a tiny human can move around so much in a small space.  Sometimes she is so active that it is distracting especially when I"m at work.  But I am so grateful that I can feel her move and add these special moments to my life.

Having a Job
You all know that within the past 3 years I have been laid off twice.  I have struggled with wrapping that around my head.  It's hard especially when everyone around you seems to be in a "stable" job and moving on up and here I am starting from the beginning trying to prove myself every time.  But today, even with the odds against me, I am grateful that a group of people took a chance on me and that I took a chance on them. Even with stressful days, I am just grateful that I have a job.  I don't know where I will end up in the future, but I am cherishing the moment of having a job now and actually loving what I do.

Summer Work Hours
I am so happy that today on I get to leave at 1pm.

My parents and sister literally live 5 minutes away from me.  This wasn't always the case, but it is now.  And I am so grateful for that.

What is making you happy today?

Jun 9, 2014

The use of "Baby Daddy" and What To Expect thinking it's OK

I just saw this....

 photo WTEtweet_zps4afaabc6.jpg

I am still in shock that What To Expect used "baby daddy".

Does anyone else think this is kind of out of line for a brand to tweet out. We aren't talking about someone's personal twitter account.  I still can't believe they actually said this.

I am a bit in shock on this one.

Things that make you go Hmmmmm?

Guys, last week was a long week so I was totally MIA.  But let me tell you, this post has been brewing in my head for awhile know.  Let's call it a post about those "What the what" moments.  Anything goes, so feel free to chime in.

Things that make you go Hmmmm?

  • When people try to trump good news you are ready to share, then they come in and give their news above mine because you know, they are all about themselves.  But what's funny is that person makes themselves look like a damn fool.  Congrats!  Thanks for the entertainment buddy.  
  • Why I never knew of wine ice cream before... but of course I find out about it while I'm pregnant. 
  • The fact that there is a tiny 1lb human inside of me having a party this morning with all the moving around she is doing in my belly.  SO WEIRD. 
  • When people lie about their work experience on their resumes.  People do realize that employers will look into your resume and reach out to references.  I understand that people can't give out bad references, but if they ask about job responsibilities, the person can say if you did "said" responsibility or not?  
  • When work is beyond the "frustrating point" and you keep asking yourself, is it me or not?  I was asking myself that a lot last week after a pretty robust work week.  
  • When you think you know a person, but they turn out to be a complete douche. 
  • Why some people wear certain clothes.  This past weekend I have seen some pretty horrible "fashion" outfits.  Why do people think it looks great?  Just because a designer said so doesn't mean it looks great on everyone. Just sayin'! 
  • Why is it so hard to choose between paint colors that are 2-3 shades difference.  It's so damn close that it shouldn't be a big deal, but that 1 shade difference makes it a huge deal. Talk about overwhelming standing in front of paint swatches in Home Depot! 
So what are some things that make you go Hmmmmm today?