Dec 22, 2014

Update on parenting and how I haven't lost my shit yet

As most of you know, we are new parents.  Parenting doesn't come with a guide book... but let me tell you it does come with everyone and their mother telling you how to raise your kids.  The fact that I have years and years of this coming my way makes me cringe.  It's amazing how being a new parent you are completely clueless but somehow manage by the end of the day to make out alive.  Yes there are tons of books out there to read about parenting and all that stuff, but I am here to share a little secret with you.  It just comes to you.  You don't need to read those books.  Somehow someway you figure out what you need to do.  Call it instinct.

So here we are, our baby girl is about to turn 4 months old and I am proud to say that we are all sane.  WIN.  She's 10 lbs now and 22 inches long.  I have a feeling she will be tall like her daddy and not fun size like me.  She sleeps through the night, 8 hours.  Yes you read that right.  She eats 5-6 ozs every 5 hours.  And 99.9% of the time, she is a freaking happy baby.  We are blessed.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

On Saturday, my grandmother was here from CT and Sophia got to take a picture with her great grandmother.  I love writing that sentence.  I vaguely remember my great grandmother when I was small and I know how special it is to say that.  I was so happy when my grandmother had the chance to meet Sophia and hold her.  And Sophia LOVED her and was laughing and talking away.

Melts my heart.

This weekend we also went shopping for Christmas presents.  I will NEVER EVER wait this long EVER again... especially when I needed to go Toys R Us... place was a freaking mad house and just manuevering the aisle with the stroller made me want to punch someone in the face.... AND THEN SOPHIA DECIDED TO HAVE A POOPY DIAPER.  Yeah... not fun.  But we made it out alive.  Hubs then went off the BJ's (insert fallic joke here) and came home with my favorite red wine because clearly he understands that I was so close to losing my shit. But what makes me love that man even more is his genius idea of how to bring the wine home safely.. via the car seat base:

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

GENIUS. Love that man.

And here we are short week for work... woop woop.. except that I lose hours since i'm contract.. BOO... especially during the holidays BUT I am grateful to have a job so there's that.

I am suppose to be cooking part of Christmas dinner this week since my parents are on vacation.  Wish me luck, I am going to need it. And I just realized I need to go food shopping... FML.

Peace out peeps.

Dec 19, 2014

We all have our good moments and bad moments

Do you ever catch yourself in a slump and don't even realize how you got there?
I feel like I'm in one.  That moment when there are just so many things happening around you and when you stop for a quick second and think "Is this OK for me?"

I have been asking myself that question a lot recently.  Life happens.  Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad.  I feel like I am constantly reminding myself to just go with the flow and it will work out in the end.  But then I have been thinking "what am I doing for me?"

I'm a Leo so it's natural for me to be very loyal.  Sometimes I feel like it's a weakness for me.  Being so loyal I tend to forget that I also need to do what's best for me and really see the bigger picture.  It gives me great pride to be helpful to others and make them happy.  When I am here to help you in whatever you may need, I try my dam best to do a good job.  You need to laugh, I got you covered.  You need to cry, I am here to lean on. You need to vent, I am here to listen.  You need this done, I can get it done for you.

So I sit here and realize that I do a lot for other people and sometimes I get the recognition I think I deserve and sometimes I don't.  So at what point do I say enough is enough and that I need to make a decision for myself.  It takes me a while but I think I am realizing that even though it would hurt some people for me to "move on," I still need to do me.

So let's see if I can figure this whole "just think about myself for once to better my life" scenario.

This should be a doozy.

Dec 16, 2014

Keeping up with the Joneses - NOT

Let me tell you, Pinterest and blog land make it real hard to keep up with stuff.

All I ever see is perfect parties, perfect photographed kids, perfect holiday cards, perfect houses, etc.

You all are making the rest of us normal human beings look bad. Just saying.

Here's my list of how I am not keeping up with the Joneses...

  • I just did Sophia's birth announcement cards... which I tied together to also be the Christmas card, which just got delivered yesterday, a week before. 
  • I have not had professional photos of Sophia done because I was so inspired by all of you and then when I saw the price tag I was like, yeah.. that's not happening.  Just not possible. 
  • I have yet to send out thank you cards from baby shower. ugh.
  • Sophia's room doesn't look like it should belong in a Martha Steward magazine. Whatevsss
  • I haven't bounced back from pregnancy weight and I am OK with it. Takes the dam pressure off.  I will eventually get there. 
  • I don't have onesies for every freaking holiday to put on my child. 
  • I just put up our Christmas decorations in our apartment and half of them are homemade and not fancy. 
  • I haven't event thought about what I am going to get Sophia for her first Christmas present. 
  • We have yet to take pictures with Santa with Sophia because I refuse to deal with mall crowds for an overpriced picture of bad quality.  We may be going this Saturday to local firehouse so let's see how that works.
  • The laundry is piling up, the house is dirty and the dog needs a grooming session like two weeks ago. 
I am kind of glad I am not keeping up because it sounds like way too much work and I am one tired new mama who is just trying to make it every day. 

Dec 8, 2014

Cookies, Dexter and Baby girl

Happy Monday y'all!

This weekend was my first weekend after going back to work and I was just so excited to cuddle with Sophia the whole weekend since I missed her so much. Thanks to rainy Saturday and a cold Sunday, that's exactly what I did.  

Weekend happenings included...

  • Sophia and I camping out in the bedroom while we watched the final season of Dexter.  I know, SO appropriate for a 3 month old but she slept through a good portion so I'm sure her brain isn't as traumatized. I was suppose to clean and do all that fun stuff, but people kept telling me to forget about cooking and cleaning when you're taking care of the baby all day so I did just that.  YOU HEAR THAT HUBS. But I really need to get cleaning this week because it is kind of ridic but who has time for that when I come home from work, take care of Sophia, cook dinner, wash dishes, make all of Sophia's bottles for the next day, attempt to have my work clothes ready for next day, lay out Sophia's clothes and also pack us lunch when there is leftovers.  Not me.. I have no time for that.  Ugh, someone send a cook and maid. 
  • Sunday I decided to make cookies.  I can bake the shit out of cakes, but when it comes to making cookies, I usually fail miserably.  This time though.... WIN.  I got the recipe from a high school friend for the Italian Knot Cookies.  I got all the shit together and attempted to make them.  This was such a big win that I just can't believe it.  They came out PERFECT.  

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

  • Sophia and I continued our Dexter marathon watching on Sunday night as well.  
  • OH, Sophia slept for NINE HOURS... yes you read that correctly, 9 HOURS on Saturday night!  I can't remember the last time I slept for 9 hours.  All last week she started sleeping between 7-8 hours too which is FANTASTIC for my preemie 3 month old.  Let's hope this trend continues. It's like she knew mama needs her to sleep like that while I am back at work. 

Hope your weekend was good?  Did you do anything interesting? 

Dec 5, 2014

I'm that new mom at work

I went back to work this week and so far it has been going good.  Everything seems to have come back easily work wise and I am slowly getting back into the groove of things.

But I have been getting this question from a lot of people who have welcomed me back:
"How are you doing being back at work away from the baby?"

I think the typical answer especially for new moms would be that it's an adjustment and hard to leave the baby. But my answer has been quite the opposite.  I'm all like "It's great! Not worried at all and it wasn't hard for me to leave her."

I am sure that some people may think it was a bit "heartless" but as I sat here yesterday after talking about it with someone, I kept thinking to myself why am I so OK with it and why I didn't feel any anxiety about it all. Then it hit me.  I'm a preemie mom.  When Sophia and I were at our most vulnerable, we had to be separated.  For 27 days I had to leave her in a hospital.  27 days.  I had to leave her at the most crucial time, the very beginning of bonding.  During that time, every time I left her I wasn't sure what the next day was going to bring.  If we were going to be presented with any new challenges.  Hands down the hardest thing to do was to leave my baby girl everyday.  So I think now that I am back at work, leaving her doesn't affect me as it does to other moms because it was a norm for me before.  This time, I leave her with my mother in law and I know that when I come home, I get to hug her and play with her vs seeing her in an incubator with wires and tubes.  I was forced to be OK with the separation anxiety.  So now, it's not separation anxiety for me.  It's just me going to work and Sophia spending quality time with her grandmother.  For that I am grateful.

For my mamas, how was the adjustment period for you when you started working again?

Nov 25, 2014

So happy for good news

First of all, I want to start this post out by just asking for those who do, please pray for everyone involved in Ferguson.  It's a sad situation.

Now onto a positive note.  This past week I got some good news.  You all know my work situation and how sad I was when I left before I gave birth.  Honestly, we didn't really have a plan for when I gave birth.  I thought I would be home with her and job hunting all at the same time, which I am still currently doing.  But by the grace of God the people I worked with before actually asked me to come back.  Clearly I must be doing something right.  But seriously, I was happy that they asked me to come back.  This whole job situation was on top of the list of things to worry about.  I will be back on contract so as always, I will still be actively job hunting during because nothing is guaranteed but am so happy that come next week, I will be back at work. I will miss being with Sophia all day a lot, but I also knew from the beginning that I wanted to go back to work.  I actually like what I do so maybe that's why it's easier for me to go back unlike other moms who rather be stay at home mom.  It's just not for me at this moment.  If we were super rich, then maybe it would be a different story.. but we're not, so I feel more comfortable having a job because you just never know what can happen.  And again, I want to work.  We are also very blessed that my mother in law will be taking care of Sophia while we work.  So I don't have to drop her off at some strange place with strangers where she won't get 100% attention.  That makes it easier to go back to work as well.  So to start off my lists of things I am thankful for...

  1. I have a job!!! Woop Woop
  2. The 70 degree weather we had yesterday.  Sophia and I got out of this house an enjoyed a full day at the park taking in the breeze. I also brought my camera along and took some fantastic pictures.  
  3. Pancakes... because they make my belly happy.
  4. When Sadie cuddles up against me while I feed Sophia. 
  5. For the people I work with... because of them I was offered a job again and that right there I am super thankful for. 
  6. For our friends and family who have been so supportive when Sophia was born to this day. Y'all are amazing and I don't know how else I would have gone through each day without you. 
  7. Bacon... because DUH. And now I want some bacon. 
  8. My family... without them, I would be lost.  
We should be thankful everyday and not just around Thanksgiving.  I feel like people forget that.  I have in the past. But ever since Sophia was born, I find myself waking up every morning and reminding myself what I am thankful for.  Life is too precious. 

And remember my post about my first online shopping experience with clothes, well that package is suppose to arrive today so I am praying that the pants fit.  And if they do, I will be back on amazon ordering more. 

Nov 20, 2014

Dam you Amazon

I don't know about any of you, but I use to barely check Amazon for anything.  Hubs on the other hand, he buys all the time because let's face it, it is much cheaper for a lot of stuff.

Well, I was perusing through Amazon the other day and thought to myself I need some new clothes. Shopping online for clothes is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me because 1) I'm fun-sized, 5 feet tall and 2) I'm not skinny.  These two things equal a disaster for shopping in the store so online shopping is like a dream.    But the other day I took a chance since being home with a newborn when it's 25 degrees outside is not a great time to go out and shop so instead I spent way too many hours reading reviews and sizing guidelines and ordered two pair of pants.  Let's hope when they get here that they are usable and I don't have to end up returning or giving them away to someone else.

But while shopping, of course I started checking out other things.  It's like an addiction clicking on all the departments.  It's so easy to put a shit ton of stuff in your cart until you look at your cart and realize you put about $1,000 worth of stuff in there.  That didn't happen to me because that's just ridic but you get the point.

Any who... I now sit here and wait for my purchase to get here and PRAY that these pants fit.  Oh and I can't wait for the ring I bought too.

ugh.... I am going to stay away from Amazon until the package gets here.

So do you shop online?  What's your fave shops??? Help... I need clothes!!!!

Nov 17, 2014

Help me save other preemie babies

 photo worldpreemiedaypic_zpscfee634e.jpg

Today is World Prematurity Day.

As you know, I am a mom to a preemie baby.  Sophia was born at 33 weeks.  We were very lucky that she only had to spend a month in the NICU and as of right now, she is 100% healthy.  I thank God every day for her.  But unfortunately, not all preemie parents can say the same.  Some preemie parents have lost their child and others now face the challenges of a preemie who has complications with their health.  It's heartbreaking and not easy.  If it wasn't for our family and friends support during the time Sophia was in the NICU, I have no idea how we would have gotten through it.  But I also have to thank our wonderful hospital who gave us so much support both physically and emotionally.  NICU nurses and doctors are angels.  They stand by your side and answer all your questions, but they also stood by my side while I cried at Sophia's bedside because I felt so helpless.

To honor Sophia's battle in the NICU and to help other parents going through what we went through, we have decided to participate in the March of Dimes walk.  I have created the team "Baby Life With Giggles" and ask that if you are able to, please make a donation to my team page and help us reach our goal.  Even if you donate $1, it's $1 more than what we had before.  If you are in the northern NJ area, please feel free to join us in our walk which will take place April 26, 2015 at Brookdale Park in Bloomfield.  You can donate and/or join our team in the team page.

Thank you for all of my blogger friends who were also there for us during our time in the NICU.  Words can't describe how grateful we were for all the prayers and words of encouragement.  You all played a big role during that time.

Thank you for those who are able to donate.
Sophia sends her love as well.
A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  And to those parents who have/going through what we went through, I have you in my prayers.  Have faith and don't lose hope.

Nov 16, 2014

Six years.. it's been six years

Here we are on this very cold Sunday morning in Jersey.  I am currently sitting on the couch writing this while Sophia takes a nap next to me.  She slept for 7 hours... yes you read that right, my almost 3 month old slept for 7 hours last night.  Praise the lord! But what's even better is that today hubs and I celebrate 6 years of being a married couple.  It's insane how time has flown by!

Some of you may be thinking "you've been married for six years and just had a baby?"  Yep.  We waited a long time becuase we wanted to truly enjoy being a married couple and doing all those things such as travelling and going out at the drop of a hat.  We were selfish that way and happy with our decision to wait as long as we did.  And now, I can't imagine life without Sophia.  She's a blessing and I can now say that at 6 years of marriage, we are now a family of three.

Marriage isn't easy at all and let me tell you, to this day I still struggle.  But then again, marriage will never be easy.  You always have to work hard becuase life changes everyday.  You have to go with the punches which means you need to adapt which means change.  If you don't change along the line, then you will be trapped.  Hubs and I have changed a lot and continue to do so.

We have our ups and down, but in the end we love each other.  And that's the only thing that matters.

Happy six year anniversary hubs.  You have been a fantastic husband and now you are an amazing father.  Sophia and I are truly blessed to have you as the guy in our lives.

Love you more than tiramusi cake.... and that says A LOT.

Nov 14, 2014

So many happenings

How is it Friday already???

Anywhooooo.... we have been pretty busy this past week here in the Giggles household. So I am just going to word/picture vomit because it is 500 times easier.

  • Seeing my niece and nephew with Sophia makes my heart melt.  And this picture... too much cuteness.

    A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

  • My bestie's baby shower was this past Sunday and I was so happy to get out of the house.  Hubs stayed home with Sophia so I was able to fully enjoy the shower.

    A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

  • Sis-in-crime and I cheated on a couple of baby shower games (shhhh) and we finally ended up "winning".    Also, the favors were small bottles of wine and a couple of the ladies in our table decided to open those babies up and start drinking them.  Sis-in-crime did not hesitate...

    A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

  • Have I ever told you about my obessession with jordan almonds?  I can't get enough of them.  So naturally, I stalked the table at the shower and took all the jordan almonds for myself.  No shame here.

    A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

  • I am also a lucky furmama to Sadie as well.

    A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

  • SOA - if you don't watch this show we can't be friends.  I kid.  I really am not kidding.  Seriously, it is the best show ever and it breaks my heart that this is the final season.  But let me tell you, this season is freaking awesome and my jaw is usually to the floor after every episode. And I get to see Charlie Hunning all the time... hello hotness.
  • I finally was able to spend a few hours at the hair salon.  I couldn't dye my hair at all throughout my pregnancy which makes it the longest I have ever gone without dying my hair. That was a freaking record for me.  So naturally, I go all out on this visit.  I didn't cut it this time which is pretty odd... but I am now a red head and am LOVING it.  I am not afraid to experiment with hair color/cuts so every time I go, I come out a completely different person.

    A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

And to end this post, I just want to say how sad I am with mother nature.  It was a beautiful 60 degree day on Wednesday and here we are the high being mid 40s.  Fall come back! 

Nov 7, 2014

Giving birth to a preemie means I missed out on things

This is going to sound crazy, but I have had so many people come to me and say "Oh you gave birth at 33 weeks, that's great you didn't have to finish your whole pregnancy especially at the end."
That statement right there makes me cringe.  C-R-I-N-G-E.

First of all, there are no pros to giving birth early.... it is the most stressful thing anyone has to go through.

I missed out a lot on the life cycle of pregnancy and it makes me sad.  There were certain things that I didn't get to experience that are special moments that other woman have. I wanted that.  I wanted to experience pregnancy to the end.   Here are some things that some people take for granted that I wish wasn't taken from me.

  • I wasn't able to feel kicks anymore or even see my belly move in weird ways with an elbow sticking out.  I know this freaks some people out, but I was looking forward to the day I can take a video of a limb protruding out of my belly.  Weird I know.  
  • I don't have any bump pictures pass 30 weeks.  That's a whole 10 weeks of bump pictures that won't be in the baby album. 
  • We didn't get to have our first family photo when Sophia was first born with me in the hospital bed holding the baby and the hubs next to us.  Instead, Sophia was rushed to the NICU.  We only currently have one family photo... which is a selfie we took with the both of us looking exhausted... and this is when she came home from NICU.  That classic picture that most people have, we don't have. 
  • Hubs and I didn't get to enjoy our last moments as husband and wife before baby comes.  Sounds selfish, but everyone always takes some time to do something special before baby comes and we simply didn't. 
  • We didn't get to experience the whole "my water broke!" scenario.  I don't know what it feels like to go into labor naturally.  I can't tell you the story of me calling the hubs and being like "It's baby time!"... instead I had to call hubs to say something is wrong and they are admitting me.  Trust me, that phone call was not me excited about possibly giving birth and meeting our baby girl.... it was more of "I am scared shitless and don't think this is going to turn out well" type of call. 
  • I didn't have that time before baby comes for me to reflect on this new journey our life was about to take.  
There are so many things I didn't get to experience.  People say "you didn't miss anything..."  but I did.  I missed out on 7 weeks of pregnancy... 7 weeks of experiences that a mother has with her unborn child.  I will never get that back.  

So if you are ever in the situation... don't tell a woman who gave birth early that she didn't miss anything.  Because you have no idea how many times all the things she "missed" has gone through her head.  Just give support and reassure them that everything will work out the way it's suppose to.  

Nov 5, 2014

One of many firsts

First of all, I can't believe it is November already.  Freaking insane.
Secondly, Sophia had one of her "first" moments this past week.  Thanks to my sister, Sophia was Snow White for her first Halloween!

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

She slept throughout the whole thing.  But I can't tell you how freaking adorable she was in that costume.  Which also brings me to that this time next year,she will be walking.... crazy!

Sophia also had her first blate!!!!  Nikki who blogs over at From My Life to Our Life paid us a visit yesterday.  It was so great to see #babybigtruck as she has grown so much from the last time I saw her.  So adorable and she has the most beautiful eyes ever!!!!  Who would have known that when Nikki and I had our first blate, we were bloggers and here we both are now blogger friends and both first time mamas.  Gotta love this blogging community.  I just realized that Nikki and I failed to take a single picture together but we did manage to get one of the girls.

Sophia's face cracks me up every time.  Clearly she wasn't ready for pictures. We also took about 5 pictures and her facial expression is the exact same in all of the photos. Ha!

Besides these "firsts" we have experienced, everything else is going good over in these parts.  We have been lucky with some good fall weather days.  The hubs is home for three weeks with Sophia and I which is great for him to bond with her.  Sophia now weighs 6lbs and 15ozs!  Doctors are very happy with her weight gain.

Overall we are surviving as first time parents.  Hubs and I also celebrated an anniversary... our proposal anniversary!

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

Can't believe that he proposed in 2007, and here we are now with our first child.  Amazing.

Sadie also has been adjusting very well to our new family dynamic.  She loves Sophia and just wants to lick her from head to toe.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

One of the perks of me being home is that when my niece and nephew have off from school we are able to babysit.  Can I just tell you that we truly are the coolest aunt and uncle ever.  Case in point:

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

We had these inflatable chairs for years up in a box in the attic.  Finally we thought yesterday it would be great to bring them down for the kids to use.  They loved it!  But those damn things took FOREVER to inflate.  But it was well worth it to see those smiling faces.

Happy first week of November.... now let me see if I can actually attempt to get ready without a crying baby interruption.

Oct 27, 2014

New mama status ain't stopping me!

Hey guys.  I hope you all had a good past week and weekend.  I tried to thoroughly enjoy every moment of it, despite when Sophia was so cranky and fussy that I wanted to pull all of my hair out and then eat it... yeah, that bad.  But they say that's what comes when you decided to raise a human.  So there we go.  Plus, hubs and I tried to go back to hospital and asked to return Sophia, no dice.  So we had to continue to learn this whole parenting thing and go on with our week.

Some snapshots of what hasn't stopped us as being new parents...

Football Sunday still exists and can I tell you how much I love NFL Redzone.... best way to watch all the Sunday games.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

We have showed Sophia how to take selfies.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

We go out and enjoy the fall weather.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

Fall means pumpkins galore which means time for me to make pumpkin pies from scratch, like legit scratch with a real pumpkin!

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

I still take selfies with Sadie.  Don't hate.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

We go away for the weekend to the Poconos in PA to stay with my brother.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

I actually cook more at home with a baby than before. Go figure.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

And my love for The Rock hasn't changed one bit. I already told Sophia that he's my boyfriend. Hopefully one day we will get to meet him in person. Hey The Rock, if you're reading this, because why wouldn't you be, would love to meet you so I can literally touch you and probably faint or go into shock. SMOOCHES.

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

A photo posted by Kenya (@kenyagiggles) on

And going out with a baby is insane.  The amount of crap we have to drag with us is daunting.  I literally have an anxiety attack every time we leave to go somewhere.  All the baby things... ugh.

Oct 20, 2014

Oh hey, it's me, the new mama!

Wow, I can't believe it took me over a month to put up a post. WHO AM I. Oh that's right, I'm a new mom to a preemie.  Guys, this whole being a new mom is no joke.  This shit is hard.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  God decided that I can handle it so as long as we both make it out alive by the end of the day, then it's a win in my book.  And then it's repeat after that.

I really wanted to write, to vent my frustrations and worries about being a new mom, especially one to a preemie but I was afraid.  Yep, I was afraid.  This whole time I have been legit freaking out at home.  I still can't believe that I have gone through what we have been dealt with Sophia was born.  I haven't really had time to let everything sink in and grasp it.  She was born early and then was in NICU for a month.... there was no time for stuff to sink in because I had to worry about other stuff that I NEEDED to do to get through the day.  I pushed all of it in the back file.  But here I am, afraid to write a blog post because I know I have to be reminded of those hard dark days.  The whole time Sophia was in the NICU is a complete blur.  All I remember doing is pumping every day and going to the NICU with a cooler bag filled with milk and praying that I would be able to hold Sophia for at least an hour.  I did that everyday.  I didn't think, I just did.  Then she came home and I had to figure out how to be a mom, to a preemie at that.  A lot of moms don't realize that everything you do for a preemie is COMPLETELY different than what you do for a full term baby.  Unfortunately, if you didn't have a preemie, you can't relate to about 75% of the stuff that I am currently going through.  You don't have to think about corrected age vs actual age, You don't have to think about spacing out vaccinations because your baby doesn't have enough thigh muscle to handle 3 shots at once.  You don't have to worry about the simple cold that may get your baby sick which means an express line to a stay at the NICU.  You don't have to worry about what developmental issues may arise as time goes by.  You don't have to worry about 50 million other things preemie moms have to worry about.  It's a lot guys, like a shit ton of stuff to worry about that is completely overwhelming.  But here I am, one of the lucky ones... the mom that so far has a preemie that is doing very well and shows no signs of developmental problems.  So then I kick myself in the ass because I had to pass other preemie babies every day in the NICU for a month that were far worse than Sophia.  So who am I to complain?  I have a healthy baby that is home with me and doing well, I shouldn't be complaining. But here I am... complaining.

I won't lie.  Life has been hard since giving birth.  I have struggled every day to keep my composure and just leave what happened in the past and enjoy the present moment.  To this day I am still trying to figure out how to balance my life. But somehow someway I will figure it out.  But one thing for sure is that I am going to resume blogging again because I realize that there are people out there who understand and I can use all the encouragement and support I can get and I also want to give back and be here for anyone who needs to just chat to someone who gets it. I get it.

Not afraid of Storms, Sailing Ship

It feels good to be back.
Hope you all stay with me on my sailing journey. 

Sep 3, 2014

I gave birth at 33 weeks

First of all, I want to thank you all for the prayers and support.  Words can't describe how grateful I am for this blogging community that has poured out with so much love and support for us during this difficult time.  I am just so grateful.

On August 21st, I had a regular doctor's appointment and then an ultrasound appointment.  My plan was to go to both appointments in the morning then head into work for a half day.  Plans didn't happen that way.  At my OB appointment, my blood pressure was a little high so the doctor was concerned.  Since I had an ultrasound appointment right after that happens to be next to the hospital, he told me to go to the ultrasound appt and let them know my blood pressure was high.  So I came home, took care of the dog and made myself some breakfast. Then I headed over to the ultrasound appt.  By the time they saw me, my blood pressure was even higher and the doctor there said it would be best to admit me to hospital since they were worried about preeclampsia.  This way, they can run some tests and keep an eye on me.  I called the hubs who happened to be at a supervisor training and hour away.  Of course it would happen that way!  I told him he needs to come to hospital because I am being admitted.  I have read up on preeclampsia so I knew exactly what could happen and that things can get serious.

I get admitted and they start checking my blood pressure every 15 minutes.  My blood pressure just kept going up to a point it was so dangerously high that 8 nurses/doctors came rushing into the room.  I have no idea what exactly happened in those 10 minutes but everyone was frantic and yelling out orders.  They had to get magnesium meds in my FAST because my blood pressure was so high they were afraid I was going to have a seizure/stroke any second.  Now, being on magnesium is no joke. As soon as they pushed the high dosage to start with, I felt like my body was on fire.  I am literally asking them if it's OK that I feel like I am on fire because that started to freak me out.  They told me yes, it's normal because they had to push in the meds fast.  They kept an eye on me and baby all of Thursday night into Friday morning.  My blood pressure was still too high and not resolving itself so on Friday they made the decision to induce and get Baby Sophia out since the preeclampsia wasn't getting better.

The induction started around 2pm on Friday.  The only thing on my mind was making sure Baby Sophia was OK.  Throughout the whole induction, they kept a close watch on her and she was fine.  By 10pm on Friday night, I started to feel the contractions really coming on and the pain from the contractions wasn't helping my blood pressure so the decision was made to give me the epidural in hopes it would bring down my pressure.  I was so thankful for that epidural.  High five to all you moms who have gone natural.  Contractions are no joke.  That epidural felt like HEAVEN.  Finally I was able to relax a bit throughout the night into Saturday.  During the morning on Saturday, the epidural must have been going to one side because I started to feel contractions on my right side only.  The thing is that with the blood pressure, I wasn't allowed to lay on right side so we couldn't let gravity work it's magic.  They up my dosage because the pain started to kick in and blood pressure started spiking again.  It helped for a bit.  By 2:20pm, the doctor said I was ready to push. Ironically, we were suppose to be in the hospital that same day for a child birth education class.  Clearly we missed it.  I had no idea what to do.  No clue how to push, what to feel for, etc.  Doctor's were great in giving me a quick intro. hahaha.  15 minutes later and 5 pushes... Baby Sophia came into this world.  She was born on 8/23 at 2:40pm weighing 3 lbs and 11 oz, 16 1/2 inches long.  The cord was wrapped around her neck twice.  She didn't even cry when she came out which of course sent me in a panic. But thank God, she was OK.  I think she was just confused on why she was out of my belly so early. Unfortunately, the hubs wasn't able to cut the cord and we have yet have a family picture.  The NICU doctors and nurses whisked her away so fast to make sure she was OK.

Baby Sophia was doing great.  They only had to give her oxygen through her nose the first day more because of the magnesium meds I was on which made her lethargic at birth.  After that she was off oxygen and breathing on her own. She is still in the NICU but we are hopefully that maybe next week she will come home.

This birth has been crazy with emotions.  Nothing prepares you for when the doctor tells you that you have o give birth at 33 weeks to ensure the health and safety of you and your baby.  I kept thinking in my head that she wasnt' suppose to come out, it's too early.  My due date was October 11th.... it was only August.  But we had to do what had to be done.  As of now, she is doing good so for that I am thankful.

I wasn't able to see Baby Sophia until Sunday night.  Since I was on the magnesium meds, I had to stay on them for 24 hours after the baby was born.  I was on bed rest and couldn't move.  I had people come and visit who got to see her before me.  Of course I saw her when she was born, but it was for literally 2 seconds before they ran off to NICU with her.  I saw pictures of her that the hubs would take for me.  It killed me to not be able to see my daughter but I knew I had to get better for her. Nothing prepares you for the first time you see have to see your baby in an incubator. I tried to be strong, but as soon as the hubs wheeled me over int he wheelchair to see her, I started crying.  I couldn't hold it in.  It hurts to not be able to hold your daughter as soon as she is born.  To see her with wires all around her killed me.  But I knew she was getting the best care.  That's what has gotten me through this past week and half.

And here we are, our life has been drastically changed.  We weren't ready for her yet.  We haven't even had our baby shower yet!  We have no crib mattress, we have no bassinet, we have no diapers, we have nothing!  Talk about something else to worry about and stress us out.  Our baby shower is this Saturday so we are hopeful that we will get most of the thing we need right away which will be a HUGE help.  Then we have to run out and get whatever is left that we absolutely need before she comes home. And we also need to get everything set up for her when she comes home.  It's hard since the hubs is still working and I am at the hospital every day.  By the time I come home, I need to relax since my blood pressure is still high. They say it will take at least 6 weeks for my blood pressure to go back to normal.  I am on two different meds and have a blood pressure machine to check to see the dosage I need to take for my meds.  It's hard to relax when you have a baby in the NICU but I am trying my best.  Yesterday was a bad day for me.  All the stress and emotions caught up to me.  I was being a bitch to the hubs and just lost it. Ugly cry and all.  I am hoping today is better.

So that's my story.  We are parents to a preemie girl who is being strong in the NICU every day. She is truly a blessing and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I thank God for allowing me to have her safely.  Now comes the time to learn about parenthood.  I think we got this. :)

And I am happy to introduce to you #babylifewithgiggles aka Sophia.

 photo Sophiacollage_zps97956047.jpg

Aug 18, 2014

Things I miss While Being Pregnant

Guys, we are EIGHT MONTHS pregnant.  Holy shit.  Just let that sink in.
It feels just like yesterday I shared the news.

I am now at the point in my pregnancy where I want this to be over because I am just always uncomfortable and the feet swelling and cankles is KILLING me. Seriously, the fact that I have cankles is making me want to chop off my feet.  Also, sleeping is a freaking issue and getting out of bed is like an Olympic sport now. And at this stage, I am really missing things that I can't do/have while pregnant.  For example...

  • BEER.  I don't even drink beer often but I can't wait to crack open a bottle of Yuengling and Hard Apple Cider.  Hoping someone buys me a case of beer as a baby shower present so I can open that baby up as soon as I get home from hospital. 
  • WINE.  Because duh.  
  • COFFEE.  I drink coffee for the flavor, NOT for the pick me up like most people do.  I miss the flavor of coffee and let's face it, there are not that many good decaf coffee choices out there and they just do not taste the same.  
  • SLIP N SLIDE.  I was jealous because my sister had her slip n slide going the other weekend.  I wanted to go down that slip n slide so bad! 
  • BREATHING.  With lungs that are squished so damn high up to your boobs, breathing has become practically impossible.  I can't even go up stairs without having to stop halfway and catch my breathe. 
  • SHOES.  My feet are bigger and swollen so even wearing flats is becoming an issue.  I may have to wear flip flops for the rest of my pregnancy.  Thank goodness I am pregnant during the summer, because I don't know how woman do it during the winter.  It would break the bank if I had to buy new winter shoes to fit the big and swelling feet. 
  • SHAVING.  Being able to shave now is another Olympic sport.  The belly is in the way and I can't bend over.  This is what sucks about being pregnant in the summer because you kind of have to shave to wear shorts since it's hot out.  I can't wait till shaving my legs won't take me an hour with tons of nicks.  So over it. 
  • HEARTBURN.  Having heartburn every day on the hour is not pleasant.  I can't wait till I don't have to pop tums in every time all day long.  Oh vey. 
This is just a short list, thanks to baby brain I am pretty sure I am missing other stuff. 
What did you miss the most while pregnant? 

Aug 13, 2014

All the happenings

Happy Hump day...

It's a rainy day here in Jersey but the sun is desperately trying to peek out from the clouds.

This past weekend was filled with lots of stuff going on aka the happenings.

  • Friday night we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy with friends.  I really didn't think this movie was going to be good but it was great.  Hilarious as well.  
  • Saturday my sister had her slip n slide party.  Since I am 8 months (holy shit) pregnant, I was not allowed to participate in the slip n slide... BIG OLE WOMP WOMP... but I was able to catch some awesome video of everyone else and laugh my ass off.  And the last video will give you insight into why my blog title has "giggles" in it. I'm an expert in the giggling area.  

  • Also, Saturday my dog finally got groomed.  She was WAY overdue! 

  • My feet were swelling like crazy on Saturday so I used KT tape and taped up my foot. It did help with swelling and to this day I would recommend it for anyone who has an injury. 

  • Sunday we picked up my niece and nephew and took them to see the Marvel Universe Live show.  They had no idea where we were taking them so they were very surprised and excited! 

  • Shark Week... enough said.

Yesterday baby giggles was freaking me out.  Overall Sunday night and yesterday I was just not feeling great.  This whole third trimemester is starting to rear it's ugly head.  I had braxton hicks last night while cooking dinner. Scary not knowing what to expect.  By the time I finished cooking dinner, I went to lay down and put my feet up becuase my feet were so swollen and I had cankles.  Even hubs was grossed out by it.  Working all day is starting to take it's toll and it doens't help with the summer weather.  I keep telling myself just two more months to go! 

  • And because who doesn't love a cute dog picture. 

Aug 7, 2014

And here we are

Here we are at 30 weeks pregnant...

And here we have a crib...

and here we are with the beginning of football season...

And here we are with Sadie holding hands with the hubs...

It's crazy how time has flown by.  I can't believe that in about 10 weeks I will be holding baby giggles in my hands.  That is just mind boggling.  Feels just like yesterday I found out I was pregnant.

Work has been going good and it has also hit me that I am leaving this place soon.  I legit was super sad on  Tuesday as I thought about it.  I am on contract here so it's not like I'm leaving on maternity leave and coming back.  I don't have that guarantee.  I am going along assuming that my last day is going to be my last day.  Even through the stressful days, I LOVE my job and what I do. I LOVE working with such an awesome team.  I'm going to really miss it and I feel like this happens once again to me.  My last job moved to SC and I was laid off.  It was hard because I loved what I did there and I cried hard on that last day.  Working with the people made work fun and it was hard for all of us to say our goodbyes.  And here I am again in the same situation made worse by raging pregnancy hormones.  I really love it here and am going to miss the team I work with like crazy.  I have never met a team that took the most stressful days in stride.  We laugh a lot while we learn a lot from each other.  I'm grateful for the opportunity but it's still going to hurt that last day.  I don't know what I will do after.  I know that being a stay at home mom is not an option and even if it was, I think I would still want to work.  Sound weird.  That idea may change too when baby giggles is here so who knows.  But it's a scary thought not knowing.  Maybe I can come back to this job.  Maybe my time here is done.  As soon as this baby pops out, I have to start looking for a new job.  Talk about adding stress on top of stress of being a first time mom.  But I have to do it, I don't have a choice.

So needless to say, I am treasuring my last few weeks at work and thankful everyday to God that I even have a job.  I know in the end, it will all work out the way it's suppose to.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  We may not be happy when stuff happens, but it is what it is.  Must think positive happy thoughts so for the rest of this week, I am banking on those thoughts to get me through the next couple of weeks.

So here we are.... soon to be parents.