Jul 23, 2012

My dream scared the poop out of me

Bloggy peeps, the dream I had last night scared the crap out of me. Man, it felt SO real. My dream was about having babies.  Like, I was pregnant, had the baby, and in the hospital.  In the hospital because something went wrong. I was crying, my hub and baby were nowhere to be found.  I was awake during surgery.  Something was terribly wrong. Then, I died. And the dream was me looking at my new baby and the hubs holding the baby, crying in the corner.  Our friends and family were all there. I was screaming at them.  No one heard me. That is when I woke up. Thank goodness Sadie decided to bark at me so I can get my ass up to walk her. Talk about scary poop. My heart was racing when I got up.

Can we say ANXIETY?!?!?!  I am pretty sure this stemmed from everyone around us getting pregnant and me going into overdrive thinking about when is it REALLY a good time to pop one out and also spending all day Saturday with a bunch of kids and their parents.

I was sitting there watching all the kids play and it was like fairies and bluebirds singing...
but the minute one child hit another one, pushed, cried, whined, disrespected the other kids, disrespected their parent, the sounds immediately changed to bells, alarms, horns, and whistles. 
It put a total STOP to the whole do I really want a kid.  Now, don't get me wrong, I know kids are never 100% angels.  And no offense to the kids and their parents I was with on Saturday, but that's what happens when you put more than 10 kids together.  It's GOOD to see that.  Because it makes me really think about the whole baby thing.  And I learn a lot from their parents.  How to raise your children. What to do and what not to do.  I like the way some of them discipline their kids.  Also, some way other parents discipline their kids I don't agree with either. So, for me, it's good to sit back and watch so I can start putting our little game plan together of how we would like to raise our children.  I would assume all parents-to-be do that? Yes? No?

Well, the dream last night scared me to death.  It is a sign that something may go wrong when I have baby?  Do you all believe in those type of signs?  I don't even know if I do. Or is it my anxiety that is just getting to me.  Please note, I supposedly have a HUGE anxiety problem all of a sudden.  So, it is possible that my brain is on overload.  I know, I am not suppose to let my anxiety get to me, but it's a bit hard when it becomes to be a serious issue.  My cardiologist is probably happy with the money he got from when all it was was dam anxiety that makes my heart rate go no slower than 90 beats per minute. 

Yeah, this is my anxiety.  I am recognizing it now. Time to de-stress myself and lower my heart rate before I get dizzy.  Ugh.  Life is real funny sometimes huh?

On another note, it's Monday and a new week. I am excited for what this week has to bring.

Other note, I drank a glass of wine while cooking last night.  Felt so nice and relaxing.  I felt like I was one of those rich housewives who drink wine while they cook and come out with a perfect meal. Yeah.... it was a badass moment for me.

Note to self: Pick up bottle of wine. This should be a nightly thing.

Holy shit, I just started a new label: babies.  Shit is getting real. This baby fever needs to get CURED. Any ideas? And having a baby is not a cure at this time.  Think of something else. Seriously. I need help!

~*~Mrs. Newlywed Giggles~*~


ME! said...

Wow! I'm shocked you didn't wake up in tears. That's what usually happens to me in that situation...

That's really heavy and CLEARLY you are just thinking consiously and subconsiously into this "do I wanna be a mom" thing. But here's the deal - it's really up to you and the hubs. Sounds like right now is NOT the time for it though... LOL :)

God bless ya girl!

Sammantha said...

bahahaha, I don't know if i have a babies label quite yet, but there have been a couple times i may have gotten close - but I JUST CANT DO IT! LOL.

babysit for two days. that'll cure it :P