Feb 18, 2021

The Notion

Today was jam-packed with a day full of meetings. There is so much going on and I just felt like I didn't have time to take a breath.  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that I have a job especially during these times, but I'm still allowed to have a hard day. 

Speaking of hard days, today is National Wine Day, and how perfect it lined up with the day I had.  My girls' group chat decided to jump on a Zoom call to celebrate which was MUCH needed after such a hectic workday.  Sometimes you just need some girl time.  I've realized lately that I don't get as much of that as I need.  This whole notion of working from home, trying to navigate the crazy school schedule with virtual learning with a 6-year-old, and trying to keep on top of everything else that is "needed" from me is most def overwhelming.  The struggle I have had is I feel like no one else gives me credit for all I do, and I myself don't value the effort I am putting in. Can the effort always be more/better quality? ABSOLUTELY.  But do you need to give it you are all every single day during a pandemic? Nope. Want to know why? Because physically and emotionally I can't.  I have nothing left in me to give to people let alone myself.  People are always saying, you gotta take care of yourself before taking care of everyone/everything else first.  Well, that's pretty difficult when the minute you don't do something, no one else will and the family/life will fall apart in an instant.  I always ask myself, who is taking care of me? ME, me alone and I'm in no state to do that.  There are good days when things are going smoothly, then there are days when things are falling apart.  Of course, those hard days always seem to be the ones that get noticed and used against ya.  Like come on people, give us a break. Being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, etc takes a lot of effort and energy.  I just need to find out where I can refill my gas tank because there ain't no other help coming along the way.  

As I always tell myself, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  It doesn't really change anything but makes me THINK that I'm doing 1% better...so there's that. 

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