Mar 28, 2017

Oh stress

Hey there!  I know, it's been forever.  I'm not going to apologize because I keep doing that.  Sure you guys get it... life happens and this piece of the internet of mine gets put on the back burner because I have to adult with priorities.  But here I am, trying to find something that I use to love so much and being able to talk to you all about life... trying again to keep you in loop and keep me sane.

Stressed.  That's how I am feeling right know.  Work has been insane.  We went through a lot of major changes here within the last month.  About 250 people were laid off, and my manager was one of them.  That meant that our department got dissolved and I was moved over to a different team.  Now, I use to work on this team before I moved over to the role I was in so it wasn't a big difference for me.  I know majority of the work besides some changes they implemented over the last year and half. My manager is who was my manager when I was first on team so that makes it easy since she knows me well and we work super well together. She's also pretty awesome as a manager and great a mentor so I'm thankful to have that. But not going to lie, i'm struggling with the change.  It's hard when you work your ass off for year and half and then all of a sudden your role gets changed without you even having a say.  I feel like i'm starting all over again, even though I as told I wasn't.  But let's face it, I am... I need to "prove" my worth again in this "new" role of mine hence not being able to move anywhere at the moment.  Now, I work really hard at my job.  I no longer want to be comfortable or sitting on the sidelines.  I have this whole new outlook that I will work hard to get what I want so the struggle i'm going through right now is really hard.  There are a lot of changes happening in this place and I'm just not sure if this company has my best interest at heart along with a good fit for me anymore.  I know I have to give it time and I guess that's the hardest part.  So here I am in this limbo of trying to figure out what my next steps are.  Adulting is so hard.

I've taken some steps in order to get clarity of where I see myself next.  I have been honest with my manager with my feelings about the transition and where I am currently at and what my expectations are.  So I put it all out there.  ALL OF IT.  And now I just wait and see if it kicks me in the ass... or if it moves me in the right direction.

Negativity is also stressing me the eff out.  People make fun of me all the time saying "you are so positive".  Well, guess what people.... I HAVE TO BE POSITIVE.  I've been in shitty situations before and being negative doesn't help.  I don't want to people I work with look at me and say "Oh she's always negative, or complaining, etc."  because those people can be the same people who can champion for me for a promotion, or when applying for a new job or for recommendations.

So here I am, realizing that I've been sucked into a bad place where my stress and anxiety is taking over.  Well, today i'm going to punch it in the face and worry about myself.  I will remove myself from negativity and worry about myself doing a dam good job and becoming a leader in the near future.  Because it's what I want and no one else can accelerate me into that position but myself.

Also, doesn't hurt that we go on vacation next week for some much needed rest and relaxation.  Going to clear my mind and come back home with an action plan to get rid of stress, anxiety and move forward in my career.. whether that's staying where I am now or looking for new opportunities.

Wish me luck. :)

Jan 24, 2017

Struggling

My calendar reminded me that yesterday was my blog anniversary.  Crazy how time flies.

Obviously, lately I have ignored this little blog of mine.  It's been hard to find the time to sit and write.  To be honest, I'm scared to write. I'm scared of what I may say.  I'm scared of realizing that when I write, my true feelings come out and quite frankly, half of them I just want to keep stuffed deep down inside and not deal with it all.  The mark on the calendar though is making me remember the reason I started blog in the first place.  Because I was searching for a community who I can relate to.

So today in an effort to attempt to reconnect with you all, I'm going to list my struggles.  The struggles that have prevented me from blogging and from even living.

I'm struggling with getting it all done as a wife, mother and woman.
I'm struggling to keep myself motivated at work.
I'm struggling with anxiety that has reached an all new peak.
I'm struggling with balancing my time with everyone.
I'm struggling with knowing who I am and my worth.
I'm struggling with writing.
I'm struggling with coming up with new recipes to cook dinner every night.
I'm struggling with the thought of maybe trying to have a second child.
I'm struggling on researching a simple place to go on vacation.
I'm struggling with my migraines that are getting progressively worse and are starting to become debilitating.
I'm struggling with major things and minor things, as you can see from the list above.

The struggle is real.  But it's part of life that we must always have.  I'm trying my hardest to overcome these struggles and what I have quickly realized is that some of the struggles have quick fixes while others take a long time.

So from here on out, baby steps to tackle each of my struggles.  I'm sure I will find new ones along the way, but hoping I'm in a better head space to deal with them head on.

What are you struggling with today?