May 13, 2015

When bath time drives you to drink

All it took was bath time.  Sophia HATES it.  When I mean hate, I mean as in screams bloody murder while arching her back hate.  I've tried every time I give her a bath to push through bending over and putting all my strength in her just to hold her tight so she doesn't slip out of my arms from the slippery mess we both are.  How is it that babies become super strong all of a sudden?  I am at the point where I have no idea what to do but go through pretty much hell to give her a bath that last 5 minutes.  And last night, that's all it took.  It just took me giving her a bath with her screaming and crying and moving around.  That's all it took for me to slip right back into that "What the hell did I do to her that she hates it."  All I am thinking is, was it the premature birth that was traumatizing for the BOTH of us.  Then that brought back those memories.... and within 10 minutes of me sitting down with her while she slept after the horrific bath time, I spiraled down into the flash backs of what we both went through.  Just when I thought I was OK with it, I realized I wasn't.  I know I will never be.  But I honestly thought that moments like last night, where I felt like I was about to have a panic attack, wouldn't happen again.

I know that we both were one of the lucky ones, but the fact that we both went through a very traumatizing event is still very fresh in my mind. Day by day is what I need to remind myself.  Day by day.

Now, for your mamas, whether you had preemies or not, please tell me your bath time secrets... because I don't think I can handle another bath time.  Seriously...help a mama out!

Now someone pass me my bottle of wine...

May 11, 2015

My First Mother's day

Happy Monday!

I don't know about you, but I was dragging my butt this morning.  How I managed to get my body moving and out the door this morning is beyond me.  But I did so WIN.

I was able to celebrate my very first Mother's day this past weekend and it was fantastic.  On Saturday, we celebrated at my mom's house.  Most of my aunts and uncles came over and my grandmother was there too.  We had so much.  There was tons of food and tons of laughs.  Sophia LOVED hanging out with her cousins and it was great because the only time I was with Sophia was to feed her, besides that everyone else wanted to hold her and take care of her.

Sunday morning Sophia was up at 8am... as if she didn't even party hard the night before.  Hubs went out to run some errands and returned with beautiful flowers, which Sophia wanted to eat.

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I received a gift from Sophia, Sadie and the hubs.  Love my necklaces from my babies and now I do not have to delete apps on my iPad to make room since it was so old thanks to the hubs.  I got a new shiny gold iPad!  Now to re-install all of the old apps that I enjoyed. LOL.

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We ended our Sunday night at a Red Bulls game while my mother in law watched Sophia for us.  It was a perfect ending to a fun filled weekend.  And a reminder how lucky I am to be a mom to my babies who bring such joy to my life.

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How did you spend celebrating Mother's Day?


May 7, 2015

Those moments

There are so many moments in life that I feel we sometimes take for granted.  The little moments that pass through which we pay no mind to because they are so small.  Then we have the big moments that we will always remember.  Some of these moments may be good, and some may be bad, and some may be sad.  Too often, people tend to ignore the sad and bad moments.  Why?  I keep thinking to myself, those moments are part of life.  They are what completes our purpose.

This past week and half, I have had some good moments and some shitty moments.  I keep telling myself, it's going to be OK Kenya, it's going to be OK. But I also realized that I need to stop and enjoy ALL of my moments.  Because they are gone too quickly.  I have no idea what tomorrow will bring... none of us do.  I can win the lottery tomorrow (you never know!).  Or I can not win the lottery.  I can get great news, or get bad news.  Whichever way, it's a moment that happens which means I am ALIVE.

I am alive. I am on this earth once again for another day to enjoy the beauty.  For that, I am grateful.