Nov 7, 2014

Giving birth to a preemie means I missed out on things

This is going to sound crazy, but I have had so many people come to me and say "Oh you gave birth at 33 weeks, that's great you didn't have to finish your whole pregnancy especially at the end."
That statement right there makes me cringe.  C-R-I-N-G-E.

First of all, there are no pros to giving birth early.... it is the most stressful thing anyone has to go through.

I missed out a lot on the life cycle of pregnancy and it makes me sad.  There were certain things that I didn't get to experience that are special moments that other woman have. I wanted that.  I wanted to experience pregnancy to the end.   Here are some things that some people take for granted that I wish wasn't taken from me.

  • I wasn't able to feel kicks anymore or even see my belly move in weird ways with an elbow sticking out.  I know this freaks some people out, but I was looking forward to the day I can take a video of a limb protruding out of my belly.  Weird I know.  
  • I don't have any bump pictures pass 30 weeks.  That's a whole 10 weeks of bump pictures that won't be in the baby album. 
  • We didn't get to have our first family photo when Sophia was first born with me in the hospital bed holding the baby and the hubs next to us.  Instead, Sophia was rushed to the NICU.  We only currently have one family photo... which is a selfie we took with the both of us looking exhausted... and this is when she came home from NICU.  That classic picture that most people have, we don't have. 
  • Hubs and I didn't get to enjoy our last moments as husband and wife before baby comes.  Sounds selfish, but everyone always takes some time to do something special before baby comes and we simply didn't. 
  • We didn't get to experience the whole "my water broke!" scenario.  I don't know what it feels like to go into labor naturally.  I can't tell you the story of me calling the hubs and being like "It's baby time!"... instead I had to call hubs to say something is wrong and they are admitting me.  Trust me, that phone call was not me excited about possibly giving birth and meeting our baby girl.... it was more of "I am scared shitless and don't think this is going to turn out well" type of call. 
  • I didn't have that time before baby comes for me to reflect on this new journey our life was about to take.  
There are so many things I didn't get to experience.  People say "you didn't miss anything..."  but I did.  I missed out on 7 weeks of pregnancy... 7 weeks of experiences that a mother has with her unborn child.  I will never get that back.  

So if you are ever in the situation... don't tell a woman who gave birth early that she didn't miss anything.  Because you have no idea how many times all the things she "missed" has gone through her head.  Just give support and reassure them that everything will work out the way it's suppose to.  


Nikki said...

I'm so sorry you missed out on so much. I can and do feel for you BUT you have an amazingly beautiful little baby girl. We love you!

Kathy@MoreCoffeeLessTalky said...

people seriously need to check their filter because WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT. a baby is here - that's all that matters. if she's healthy and happy, that's all that matters. you didn't miss a damn thing - you have your baby and that's all that matters.

ps - the whole water breaking thing is weird. it feels like you pissed yourself so it's nothing worth mentioning LOL

Britt said...

I'm amazed that people are even saying that to you. Giving birth early is terrifying whether it's at 30 weeks or 35 weeks. You're right, people forget that it's not the same as the normal birth they might have gotten where she's placed on your chest and you get all these wonderful moments and photos. It's scary as hell. I'm sorry that you missed out on those last 7 weeks. I'm a day shy of 33 weeks myself and I think all the time about what you must have felt and been going through. The good thing is that you took home a healthy, happy baby and in the end, that's all that really matters Xoxo.

Bryna said...

Some people have no class! My thought to any/all mom's who have preemies is of such sympathy!! I CANNOT for the life of me imagine having to go through post pardum while not having your child... Having to go visit your baby & seeing her hooked up to tubes in that state. I can't imagine.
That little face is beautiful!!! Enjoy all the moments from birth date on!

Unknown said...

People are just often insensitive to the way others feel. I'm sorry you got robbed of so many "end of pregnancy" moments. I know how scary the whole thing was for you! :( love ya girlie!

Kathryn said...

I'm surprised people would say that to you. I totally understand where you're coming from.

Jen said...

I will never understand why some people say the things they do. You have every right to feel the way you do.

Kristina said...

I'm sorry you missed out on so many things. It's strange but as a mom I now realize so much more that all of our journeys are so very different. I think we all need to support one another where so many people say the silliest (stupidest) things.

Jenn @ Bliss to Bean said...

What a powerful post. I would feel the same way--I cannot imagine having to deliver next week!! You are a wonderful momma and have a beautiful baby. Hugs!

The Winey Wife said...

I relate to you my friend...on sooo many levels. My first was born at 32 weeks. Here's my post. The only thing that kept me from breaking down was that God needed her here early for some reason unbenounced to me, and I still don't know and she's two. But I'm so glad she's here now.