When hubs and I decided to start trying, we simply left it at me stopping birth control pills and see what happens. I didn't track or plan for the perfect moment to have sex to conceive a child. That is not how we wanted this to happen. The doctor told me, give it up to a year as it can take my body a while to adjust after being on birth control for many years. I was OK with that. Hubs and I thought that maybe by the end of this year something would happen. We went along life as usual. Then comes February and my body was all out of whack. Breakouts like I was 13 again, boobs were so sore that I couldn't even walk because when they bounced it felt like someone was taking a hammer to them. I started realizing that this symptoms were out of the ordinary for me. They got worse and worse. So a day after my period was late I decided to take a pregnancy test. It came out negative. I was devastated. I had convinced myself that I was pregnant and was so happy. I didn't even tell the hubs I was taking the pregnancy test because I wanted to surprise him. A couple of days after I ended up telling hubs that I took a test and it came out negative. I was sad for me and him. I then just chalked it up to my body was still going through changes that I haven't felt for years so that it must be it and my schedule must be irregular. A week later, I decided to take another test because I still didn't get my period and my body was telling me something was not right. And then bam, positive pregnancy test. Hubs knew I was taking this test, I got to wake up him that Sunday morning to share the news. Cue excitement!
I went to doctors for confirmation of pregnancy and when they did the ultrasound, it was amazing to see the tiny kidney bean on the screen. According to my dates, I was two weeks off. Instead of being 8 weeks like they thought, I was 6. Made sense since my periods weren't regular after stopping birth control. That same appointment they did all the blood work. I get a call from doctor's two days later saying my progesterone level was a little low and they sent my pharmacy a script for progesterone pills. I needed to start taking those immediately and come back in two days to get blood work done to check levels. I had to do this for 2 weeks. Every 2 days back at docs office to see if my levels were doubling like they should. As a first time mom and not ever hearing of anyone else go through something like this, I was freaked out. The night before I was waiting for results yet again, I had a complete breakdown in front of hubs. Ugly cry and all. I kept saying why isn't my body doing what's it made it do. What if my body rejects this baby. Why is my body never ever normal. He calmed me down and said not to stress because it would make it worse. I felt a little better after venting to him. Literally the next morning doctor calls and says "Your levels are great! Keep taking meds till 10 weeks and all is fine." Cue excitement and relief.
Then, one night the hubs was out with his mom doing some shopping at Costco. I stayed home because I felt like crap and just couldn't fathom walking around a store. I wake up and go to the bathroom. Now, during your first trimester you are very aware of the miscarriage possibility, so I was accustomed to checking the toilet bowl after I peed every time. Well, this time there was blood. I freaked out and called the doctor right away. He told me I can either go to ER or wait till Monday to see him in office. I texted the hubs to see where he was. He was at his moms house helping her with some computer stuff. I told him we needed to go to ER because I was bleeding. Within 5 minutes he was home and ready to grab me. For those 5 minutes, I cried and every single thought came through my head... "I'm having a miscarriage and at this point, there is nothing I can do to stop it." After spending 7 hours in the ER, I am happy to report that I came out of there with a baby that was still growing inside of me. But those 7 hours were hell. We didn't know anything for the first few hours until after all the blood work and ultrasound tests came back. When we had to go for ultrasound, I refused to look at screen. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to look at the screen to see nothing. I just couldn't. I just keep deep breathing and was praying for it to be over. Finally the doctor comes back with the good news and says it happens. People bleed sometimes. I had strict instructions to go home and REST, no heavy lifting, no straining. They even told me not strain at all when it was time to poop. It was that serious. I had to do this for the rest of the first trimester. I was only at 9 weeks during this time.
And here we are, at 3 1/2 months still going strong. Baby is doing fine. I am feeling much better.
Our first trimester was a tough one and for weeks I was walking around more like a zombie than anything. Every twinge I felt I thought something was wrong. I couldn't pee without getting anxiety that I will maybe see blood again. But I just prayed that God knew what he was doing.
This is real guys. I have yet to meet one mom who has told me the shitty of side of pregnancy, besides of course the morning sickness. This stuff happens and I just wish I was aware that it COULD happen. Of course no one likes to talk about this scary stuff, but I sure did wish I was able to reach out to someone who was went through the same thing I did. I am sure it would have made me feel a little more comfortable. So for those of you who have gone through ups and downs, I hear ya. I feel for ya. Keep the faith and all will work out the way He sees it to.