Jan 27, 2014

10 douchy things people do

I have been making notes for this post probably for a few months.  Every time I see someone do a douchy thing, I would add it to my notes on my phone.  I figured that I would finally write down the top 10 things to entertain you all on this Monday morning. So let's get this shit started....


  1. Power Trips.  Nothing drives me more crazy when people are walking around on their power trip thinking that they are above everyone else.  What makes it douchy is that they are probably at your level or below you.  I laugh at you power trip people because I know you think you're all cool and awesome and feel like the King, but what you don't realize is that you just made yourself look like the biggest douche.  Congratulations on losing even more respect from people. 
  2. "I'm fat".  People who are a size 2 and like to tell you that they are "sooo fat".  Just stop it.  Stop fishing for compliments.  Douche. 
  3. Drop and Go.  This is the douche who could be at a store and drop something, but continues to keep walking and doesn't even bother to pick up what they dropped.  
  4. Interrupters.  So you are telling everyone a real good story and then the "interrupter" comes in and totally steals your thunder with a "better" story.  What makes it douchy?  Their story is 20 mins long and the people can care less about what your good story was, if they even remember you initiated story telling time.  
  5. Indoor sunglasses.  Yep, that one friend who wears sunglasses indoors throughout the whole party. 
  6. Handicap abusers.  Oh look you have a handicap tag but you don't need assistance walking from your car to the store.  How much did you have to lie to get that sticker when clearly there is NOTHING wrong with you. What's sad is that someone out there who ACTUALLY needs it doesn't have a spot and has to walk father because you are lazy.  DOUCHE.  
  7. Summer Uggers.  Uggs are NOT meant to be worn with shorts.  
  8. Fakers.  These people come up with these extraordinary stories of stuff they have done, but what makes them a douche is when their stories don't add up.  Stop faking a life just because you want to be on a power trip. 
  9. Leave shitters.  These people walk their dog and let them shit anywhere and don't pick up after them.  You make the rest of us look bad.  PICK THE GOD DAM DOG SHIT UP, it's not that hard. 
  10. Two Space Parker.  If you are so worried about people scratching up your precious car, then you shouldn't take up two parking spaces because then it becomes fair game. Douche. 

Now I know you guys can add to this list.  SPILL IT.  Let's make this a fun game of douchy people suck major donkey balls.  Go ahead and vent, I'll listen. 

Have a happy douchless Monday! 


8 comments:

Nikki said...

BHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOVE this!

MarlaJan said...

Hahahha, this pretty much made my day. The only like I have to say is that just bc someone doesn't look handicapped (walker/cane/wheelchair/etc...) doesn't mean they aren't. But yes, people totally abuse it and that gets my goat!

Mary Long said...

I work with a #4 - she'll ask you a question like "how was your weekend?" and when you go on to tell her, she will cut you off and randomly talk about something else totally unrelated. Now I just say, "fine" and walk away...

Dan and I call a group of teenagers and especially teen/preteen boys totally dressed like posers the "Douche Crew".

Jen said...

#1 is my biggest pet peeve!! Ugh!

Jamie Kulik said...

#1 was my old supervisor at work. Biggest idiot in the world!

Julie said...

#7 can go in so many ways but I know if I were to dress like some of the people we see, people would laugh at me to the ends of the earth :)

Melissa Fecher said...

I absolutely HATE the indoor sungalsses guy. Wanna punch him in the face!!!!

Michael said...

Great list! These all equally annoy me. One of my biggest things, litterbugs. I just hate it. Pick that shit up and throw it away right!