Apr 12, 2012

Ugh

I contemplated writing this post.  But I remembered that I blog my life.  And life has good moments and bad moments.

I found out my job is re-locating to South Carolina.  They anticipate this being done by the end of this year.  Some people here received offers to move to South Carolina.  I was not one of them.

I am trying to stay positive, but I am crushed at the same time. I love my job. I love the people I work with and I know this is hard to find.  So that's what really upsets me the most. 

The husband and I always talked about moving out of NJ.  This would have been a perfect opportunity.  Now, what makes this really hard is that people here are all talking about the decisions they need to make and how cool and fun it would be in South Carolina.  What burns me is that some people who were offered positions in South Carolina don't even care about their job.  They do the minimum work and NEVER go above and beyond.  And they get an offer, and I don't.  I ALWAYS go above and beyond.  I do MORE that what my job title says, because that's my work ethic.  And here I am, taking a package at the end of my turn sometime in December and on the hunt for a new job and STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN.

Today is day three of the news.  Everyone is buzzing about the news.  I couldn't take it anymore at my desk and went to the bathroom and cried.  My body just shut down.  Yes, I am jealous. I know that I am not suppose to be, but I am.  Go ahead and judge me.  I am at a point that I don't care.  It's not fair. Not at all.  Why do I feel like these.  Want to know what makes it worse, I just realized that if I start a new job, let's say beginning of next year.... the hopes of us having a child is going to have to wait even longer.  Because I can't start a new job and then become pregnant. Right? That would be rude.  So, I will be 29 this year.  That stupid internal clock for women is being hammered in my head every day.  More because people freak me out more about it.  So all this bunched up in a ball makes this whole situation really frustrating.  I need to get out of this funk, but I am afraid I won't.   I know that I have to think positive.  That God has a plan for me.  But quite frankly, I was being super positive for the last three days for myself and other people.  I have lost all the juice to be positive.  I have nothing left in me.  I am dried out. Except for the occasional tear of why is this happening to me. Why do I have to start all over again when everyone else in my life is set. 

Sorry for the downer post... but it is a blog about my life, and life sometimes has the sucky moments.

It is what it is.... right?  Everything happens for a reason.... right?

Must tell myself = JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING

5 comments:

Katrina said...

I'm Sorry :(

praying you find something soon! (Or you get an offer to move!)

Katrina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bryna said...

I'm REALLY behind on reading. (I just cleared out some of my "followed" posts so I can keep up with those that I truly care about...)

Here's my soap-box feelings:
1. Jobs tend to let us down. Those who don't deserve it get the gold star and the rest of us, get the pink slip. It's just the way it is. But, I hope that either they realize that they need you on the job, or you find some slam-jammin kick ass job elsewhere.

2. DON'T let work dictate when you can have a child. Yes, I can understand needing to have health care coverage, but you will never 100% be in the "ideal" point in life for a kid. *unless you are Brad and Angelina who can pop them out like hot cakes and adopt from remote locations of the world*
If you continue to wait, you will wake up one day and be like, DAMN when did I turn 38? SO, do it! ewww.... I mean have a kid! LOL :)

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