So, I kept thinking in my head "Should I share this with my bloggy friends, or not?"
I decided yes. Because it's my blog and I know I will receive some awesome support from you all and I can use all the prayers I can get.
About two weeks ago, I went for my annual gyno appointment. I was just glad that was over because women know how uncomfortable you feel after the appointment. A week later, I received a phone call from the receptionist saying that I need to come back in so the doctor can go over my results. Um, what? They must have the wrong person. Not me. My uterus is good.
Well, for the next three days I had to wait in between, I drove myself crazy in my head. I knew something would be wrong because we all know the tests they perform and what they are looking for. I just prayed and the hubs was just fantastic in being there and making me laugh and telling me to not worry that it will all work out. Over the weekend, we had such a good weekend that I kind of forgot about the whole pending appointment. Then comes Monday. My appointment is at 11. I am already super stressed by the time I got to work at 8am. I leave to go the appointment and of course the doctor is running late. So now I am sitting waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Ugh. I wanted to crawl into a hole. You can just imagine the things that are running through my mind.
FINALLY, the doctor sees me. Seems that I have some abnormal pre-cancerous cells in my uterus. Me: Blank face to doctor. My doctor starts explaining the test results and our next steps.
Me: Totally freaking out on the inside, but composed on the outside.
So, I have these little pre cancerous cells in my body which want to camp out in my uterus. But my doc is going to give them an eviction notice. If they are not going to pay rent, they need to leave! Sounds like a plan to me.
I had another test performed that day in the office and waiting for those results, and in two weeks will have a procedure done that will go into my uterus and scrape the sides of my uterin wall (sounds painful right?) to take some samples and send them to pathology. She told me it will be same day surgery and that I will be under general anthesia because the procedure is painful. Uh yeah, if you're going to go in there and scrape things out, I am pretty sure I am going to be in a shit on of pain. Doc, prescribe the pain meds! That is going to be a shitty couple of days. I feel for my husband. Pray he doesn't get rid of me because I am pretty sure I will be whiny like heck!
So, I am freaking out, but also calm at the same time. It's weird. I am glad something was found because it's early and we can attack this ASAP. But, there are risks involved with the procedure as with any surgery. And then there is the what if? What if what they find is complicated? What if what they find can't be fixed? What if I get a complication from the surgery that will make things worse? What if this affects me bearing children? There are probably 500 more what if's that I can list for you. The ONLY thing I can do is pray to God that he guide the doctors when the procedure is done. I have to TRY my very best not to stress about it. But it's freaking hard. Unless you go through this yourself, you never really know how your mind can go a bit crazy on you.
But I am trying my best to not think about it as much and go on with my life as normal. I am also taking a break from any extra projects or work. I need a break and feel that I need to refocus on myself and taking care of myself right now. I have been somewhat distant with certain things in my life, but I understand now that it was all for a reason. I took breaks from some things and put that effort into my marriage and enjoying our time as husband and wife as much as we can. We have had a great last couple of weeks and it's really because I started focusing on US before we move on to our other ventures. I felt like we needed to rebuild our foundation one more level, so we did. And boy is that foundation coming in real handy right now as we deal with this obstacle.
So I ask for prayers from you all on my behalf. And if you can comment something funny to make me laugh, that helps too. I can always use a giggle.