Mar 28, 2017

Oh stress

Hey there!  I know, it's been forever.  I'm not going to apologize because I keep doing that.  Sure you guys get it... life happens and this piece of the internet of mine gets put on the back burner because I have to adult with priorities.  But here I am, trying to find something that I use to love so much and being able to talk to you all about life... trying again to keep you in loop and keep me sane.

Stressed.  That's how I am feeling right know.  Work has been insane.  We went through a lot of major changes here within the last month.  About 250 people were laid off, and my manager was one of them.  That meant that our department got dissolved and I was moved over to a different team.  Now, I use to work on this team before I moved over to the role I was in so it wasn't a big difference for me.  I know majority of the work besides some changes they implemented over the last year and half. My manager is who was my manager when I was first on team so that makes it easy since she knows me well and we work super well together. She's also pretty awesome as a manager and great a mentor so I'm thankful to have that. But not going to lie, i'm struggling with the change.  It's hard when you work your ass off for year and half and then all of a sudden your role gets changed without you even having a say.  I feel like i'm starting all over again, even though I as told I wasn't.  But let's face it, I am... I need to "prove" my worth again in this "new" role of mine hence not being able to move anywhere at the moment.  Now, I work really hard at my job.  I no longer want to be comfortable or sitting on the sidelines.  I have this whole new outlook that I will work hard to get what I want so the struggle i'm going through right now is really hard.  There are a lot of changes happening in this place and I'm just not sure if this company has my best interest at heart along with a good fit for me anymore.  I know I have to give it time and I guess that's the hardest part.  So here I am in this limbo of trying to figure out what my next steps are.  Adulting is so hard.

I've taken some steps in order to get clarity of where I see myself next.  I have been honest with my manager with my feelings about the transition and where I am currently at and what my expectations are.  So I put it all out there.  ALL OF IT.  And now I just wait and see if it kicks me in the ass... or if it moves me in the right direction.

Negativity is also stressing me the eff out.  People make fun of me all the time saying "you are so positive".  Well, guess what people.... I HAVE TO BE POSITIVE.  I've been in shitty situations before and being negative doesn't help.  I don't want to people I work with look at me and say "Oh she's always negative, or complaining, etc."  because those people can be the same people who can champion for me for a promotion, or when applying for a new job or for recommendations.

So here I am, realizing that I've been sucked into a bad place where my stress and anxiety is taking over.  Well, today i'm going to punch it in the face and worry about myself.  I will remove myself from negativity and worry about myself doing a dam good job and becoming a leader in the near future.  Because it's what I want and no one else can accelerate me into that position but myself.

Also, doesn't hurt that we go on vacation next week for some much needed rest and relaxation.  Going to clear my mind and come back home with an action plan to get rid of stress, anxiety and move forward in my career.. whether that's staying where I am now or looking for new opportunities.

Wish me luck. :)

Jan 24, 2017

Struggling

My calendar reminded me that yesterday was my blog anniversary.  Crazy how time flies.

Obviously, lately I have ignored this little blog of mine.  It's been hard to find the time to sit and write.  To be honest, I'm scared to write. I'm scared of what I may say.  I'm scared of realizing that when I write, my true feelings come out and quite frankly, half of them I just want to keep stuffed deep down inside and not deal with it all.  The mark on the calendar though is making me remember the reason I started blog in the first place.  Because I was searching for a community who I can relate to.

So today in an effort to attempt to reconnect with you all, I'm going to list my struggles.  The struggles that have prevented me from blogging and from even living.

I'm struggling with getting it all done as a wife, mother and woman.
I'm struggling to keep myself motivated at work.
I'm struggling with anxiety that has reached an all new peak.
I'm struggling with balancing my time with everyone.
I'm struggling with knowing who I am and my worth.
I'm struggling with writing.
I'm struggling with coming up with new recipes to cook dinner every night.
I'm struggling with the thought of maybe trying to have a second child.
I'm struggling on researching a simple place to go on vacation.
I'm struggling with my migraines that are getting progressively worse and are starting to become debilitating.
I'm struggling with major things and minor things, as you can see from the list above.

The struggle is real.  But it's part of life that we must always have.  I'm trying my hardest to overcome these struggles and what I have quickly realized is that some of the struggles have quick fixes while others take a long time.

So from here on out, baby steps to tackle each of my struggles.  I'm sure I will find new ones along the way, but hoping I'm in a better head space to deal with them head on.

What are you struggling with today?


Nov 14, 2016

Wine + Pottery = Fun Girl's Day

You know those Monday mornings when you wake up and can tell yourself "I had a great weekend".  I woke up with that feeling this morning.  Spent this weekend with close friends and it was a fantastic time.

Saturday we had a surprise birthday party for one of our best friends.  He was definitely surprised because when he walked in the first thing that came out of his mouth were "What the fuck" as we all yelled SURPRISE in his face.  We ate a fantastic dinner and then continued to stuff our bellies with really good dessert.  It was so nice to just be together celebrating a joyous occasion.. especially after all the negativity that has been happening in the world this past week.

Birthday Boy
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And can I say there is nothing cuter than the below picture.  Sophia was so excited when GG came over.  They played all night!
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Sunday we had a girls day planned.  Sis-in-crime takes pottery classes and was able to set up a private session.  Best part was that we were able to bring wine along while munching on snacks that were provided.
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This was the best experience EVER.  Can I tell you that the owner at Madison Mud was FANTASTIC.  Like, she was so down to earth, hilarious and had the patience to deal with us ladies who were in need of a day out.  But honestly, if you live in NJ you have to go check out her place.  We each were able to make 3 pieces.  Two of the pieces were on the wheel and the other was a hand building piece.  So much fun!

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Nov 11, 2016

Currently

Currently....

Reading Search Inside Yourself.  This book was gifted by my director to help with my individual development plan.  So far it's good and has witty humor in it.  Nice book to change your mind of thinking.

Listening to Telescope song from the show Nashville.  I LOVE the show and love the music even more.  So currently on Spotify I am listening to the Nashville cast channel.

Watching too many shows on TV.  TV is my weakness and makes me "escape" real life, so I'll take it.

Excited for vacation for the week of Thanksgiving!  We booked this cruise two years ago with our friends and it's finally almost here.

Celebrating that I made it another day.  Work has been stressful and being a parent to a toddler is not easy either.  So my motto = If we wake up the next day fed, clothed and alive... I won.

Wearing jeans and comfy shirt since I feel like shit right now.  Days like today is when I'm glad we have a casual dress code at work.

Discovering that I am getting sick thanks to a toddler who has been sick this week.

Annoyed by all of the negativity that is around about our President Elect.  Just when you think the world is at a better place... you realize that we have somehow reverted back to our old racist ways.

Starting to look at new opportunities for my future.

What are you currently up to these days?

Nov 9, 2016

Move Forward

History was made yesterday.

Now, whether we like it or not.... there's one thing we can ALL agree on.

WE. MUST. MOVE. FORWARD.

It is what it is.  The people have spoken, as we do every election.

A President was chosen.

Now, we must think positive that the President will lead us on a good path.  Yes, that path may have a few speed bumps along the way.  Yes, we will say we should turn right and the President will say no, we need to make a left. We will disagree.  We will agree.

WE will move forward with hope for our the country we live in.

Oct 24, 2016

Things I Am Loving

I often say "It's the little things that make me happy" and they truly are.  So here's what I'm loving over these past few weeks.


  • Coffee.  Because a good cup of coffee can make you forget the nuances of life with every sip you take
  • Fall weather.  Snuggling in a good sweater and stepping on leaves with boots on while a fall breeze rustles through your hair is just one of the best feelings. 
  • Chocolate. Because duh, it's chocolate 
  • Being 26 days away from a vacation you planned two years ago.  
  • Spending time with your close friends who you consider family 
  • Listening to music while I work - drowns out the annoying people at work 
  • Getting high praises at work for doing a good job 
  • Snapchat filters - they make a boring day so much better 
  • When I kill at winning my match in fantasy football 
  • The color of the leaves
  • Sleeping with my flannel sheets
  • Looking at what new possibilities are out there

What are some of things you are loving today? 


Oct 17, 2016

Weekend Happenings

Happy Monday!

This past weekend was jam packed for us.  There wasn't a minute where we weren't moving from here to there.

Saturday

  • Finally got Sadie to the groomer's so she doesn't look like a black cloud rolling around my floor, but more like the yorkiepoo she is.
  • After dropping her off, we came home and I made a quick lunch for Sophia and myself since we were waiting on the hubs to come and pick us up. 
  • Hubs came home then we got into the car and headed out to Red Bulls Stadium for their season ticket holder seat selection event.  Now that Sophia is past 2, we have to buy a seat for her.  There was no more seats available in the section we sit now so we had to find a new section.  Makes me sad to leave our group... for the past 4 years we have sat with the same people around us and we love seeing them for every game.  We won't be too far away, but it won't be the same.  I am hoping that our new seat neighbors are cool and not boring. 
  • After that event, we headed to our friends grand opening up his florist shop.  He moved to a new location which happens to be in our town so it was fun to stop by and catch up with him. 
  • Then we came home and I was able to relax for maybe a good hour before Sophia and I headed to my moms to pay a visit since Sunday I knew we wouldn't be able to stop by as per our usual. Also, the first thing Sophia says when we go to visit is "eat".  She already knows that my mom is a great cook and always has food ready for her. 
  • After my mom's we ran over across the street to pay a quick visit to Joelle and Erik to say hi since it's been a while we have seen them. 
  • One of my cousin's was visiting from CT so then we got into the car and drove over to my sisters house and hung out there for a while.  It was about 9:30 at night by the time we left and came home. 
Sunday
  • Rise and Shine at 7:30am for me so I can get everything ready before we headed to the Miracle Walk.  This walk directly benefits the NICU Sophia was at when she was born.  I want to make it a tradition that we do this every year and I hope that Sophia continues even as an adult.  That NICU means a lot to us and I want her to remember that because of the doctors and nurses, she had the best care possible that allowed her to thrive. 
  • After the walk, we dropped Sophia off at my sisters and hubs and I headed to a Red Bulls game.  It was an important game and we won which means we are in playoffs.  Let's go Red Bulls! After that game ended, Red Bulls II had a game as well that we were able to stay for.  We stayed for the first half of the game because it was an exhausting day. 
  • Picked up Sophia and walked into the house at around 8.  

So needless to say today I am EXHAUSTED.  I don't know how I made it into work, but here I am. 
Here's to hoping your Monday is a good one, praying mine is.